Online Relationship Starting...and Ending

“Last night, I got bored and wondered onto Match.com. Just to check out the profiles, I promise.” My closest friend had dropped a social bomb; a 23 year old...peeking...at a dating website. Sure, we’ve all thought about it but we don’t talk about it. In a world where ‘everyone who’s anyone’s’ social life is splattered across the Internet the one thing that isn’t, is our love life. Okay, truth be told, dating online is becoming more widely accepted by younger people but there are a few reasons why we don’t really want to talk about it:

I.               There is a social stigma with our parents because: “There are thousands of online predators who, ‘only want one thing’”.

II.             There’s a social stigma with our generation that: “People who meet people online are only doing it to hook-up, or are completely socially awkward and undateable.”

III.           No one wants to admit they paid to meet a boyfriend/girlfriend, and paying for a sex-friend is well...you get the picture.

So why are 23 year old’s on dating websites? Our problem isn’t that we aren’t meeting people, because we are right and left; the problem so many young people run in to is their inability to be vulnerable in person. 

A friend recently said, “Social Networking has taken the first date out of the relationship.” What is a first date really? About the same as a profile page: Name, photo, relationship status, looking for, blurbed ‘about me’. In a matter of five minutes we know whether or not we want to see this person again but online dating websites take some of the awkward get-to-know-ya babble out of the equation. There’s little courtship involved, “Simply fill out this survey and we will send your true love to you.” In fact, sites like eHarmony will not let you freely communicate (that is, communicate without some kind of guideline) until you’ve jumped through hoop after hoop.  

“I can do whatever I want on the Internet. I can say whatever I want on the internet. I can be whoever I want on the internet,” another friend of mine exclaimed. He explained that it’s almost like being on the phone, but without tonality. “If I post something vulgar on the  Internet it doesn’t matter; I guess I feel brave because people can’t see me.” It’s that anonymity that this generation craves because we do not under any circumstances want to seem vulnerable to the opposite sex, to employers, friends, teachers; we cannot be vulnerable to anyone but our online subscribers.  

Social networking has also found its way to end relationships as well. Say you meet someone on eHarmony or OKCupid, things are going well and you get to a point where you become Facebook friends. This is a huge step because, “Facebook is private.” You have your little relationship status as “In a Relationship” then you see the little red text box over notifications, “_______ has ended their relationship and is single.” You were just broken up with by Facebook. Ridiculous? Yes. Cold-blooded? Totally. Happens often? Abso-fuckin-lutely. We meet online, we break-up online. Nearly everyone I know has had some cataclysmic news sent to them via text message or Facebook. Peoples in their late teens, and their twenties are looking for two things: Love and recognition, but it seems we cannot openly communicate face-to-face anymore. 

Are We Too Addicted to Facebook? [Infographic] via Mashable

Since one in every thirteen humans has a Facebook page, some are even pets, it’s only fitting that some of us are a little dependent and obsessive about the site. Here are a few statistics to grasp the vast population living on Facebook.

Enjoy.
Infographic via Mashable

JBieb's got a Girlfriend, and Beliebers are Pissed.

There is a war raging in paradise--Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are supposedly an item. I like to put things in terms I can identify with so if you travel way back to 1997...Two young pop artists rekindle a romance and break my little 13 year old heart...yes...I’m talking about Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. Perhaps now the over 16 set can understand the seriousness of the situation. The Twitter-verse (Twitter + Universe) has been a flutter with some pretty horrifying sentiments. Just a few days ago Taylor, showed me some of the Tweets her followers posted about the situation, she herself posted, “@SelenaGomez you better be careful with him we’re going to get you.”  

 Maybe I’m a little old-school but threats over the internet about a boy? Really?

In many social groups, mine not included, online personas stay online. (I know it is much different for people over thirty--and people not in school for that matter...) Though Taylor’s ‘real’ friends may follow her on Twitter they generally do not talk about ‘real life’ on Twitter. Taylor is a 16-year-old girl, standing about 5 foot 2 weighing 100 pounds dripping wet. She is tiny and sweet; in the...10 years I’ve known her I have never once heard her say a single negative thing about anyone. Not even when her parents we going through a rough divorce; why is she so intense on the internet? It is all a matter of how her online followers see her: Online, Taylor has a boyfriend and an identical twin. She does not have these things in real life. She is creating an online personality to fit the content of her tweet--in essence she is living two lives, one in reality and one online. 

I have a theory that children use the internet for a variety of thing but children like Taylor may use the internet to escape social perimeters laid in place by their surroundings and social circumstances. In real life Taylor is a darling, sweet, smart young lady but online she can shed that porcelain exterior and become someone she cannot in her daily life. It is with a hint of anonymity that online personalities survive.

I cannot say how many times I have read an offensive status, or ranting post on someone’s Twitter, LiveJournal, or...and this is pretty old school...Myspace. It seems that this generation feels the right to post their inner-most thoughts but, and this is key, they need to be indirect. Example: 

We cannot post: “@FriendJonDoe, you were a real ass for staying home last night.” 

We can post: “I hate when people are lame.”

Now, there are some social rules and exceptions about this that I have noticed:

I.               If the person you are “tagging” or directing the post to is famous all bets are off. Just Google Kanye West if you think I’m kidding. 

II.             The post must be as indirect as possible, this will ensure that IF ‘drama’ were to arise you can quickly make up an excuse and get out of it. 

III.           If the post is funny you are automatically off the hook. People will think you’re hilarious and witty, when really you’re just mad. 

Anonymity is key here because when addressing real life situation, like the example above, it is very important to avoid confrontation (which is why the post is on Facebook or Twitter rather than said in a private conversation).  

What is Social Networking, clarity please...

I have been working on an idea for about two weeks--okay, about 4 ideas for 2 weeks. They are coming, I assure you but the more I hear the more I want to write. I'm going to throw these ideas at you and PLEASE feel free to comment: 

I.               Is a dating website (eHarmony, Plenty-of-Fish, Match.com, etc.) a Social Networking site?

         Are there still social taboo's formed around online relationships vs. 'real' ones?

II.            What is the function of AIM, Skype, Yahoo! Messenger, MSNMessenger? 
         (does anyone still use MSN?)   

Are these small communities of individuals/a 'digital community'? 

I am running into a wall with these two subjects and desperately need a massive opinion--are we considering the previously mentioned methods of communication Social Networking sites?

Please comment/e-mail me/skype me, whatever. 

Taylor, 16

“I’m a BELIBER…you don’t know what that is do you? Oh my gosh!”

        Taylor, age 16, spends 70 percent of her day online tweeting her ‘friends’ about Justin Bieber. For those of us unaware, Justin Bieber is a 16 year-old phenomenon much like Usher, Justin Timberlake, Joey McIntyre, or Donnie Walberg; he is the object of nearly 6.5 million peoples obsession. His followers call themselves “Beliebers” I’ve been told, the word “Belieber” is, in the true fashion of this generation, a mash-up of “Believe + Bieber.” I currently follow Taylor and can safely say she is absolutely one of the biggest Justin Bieber fanatics I have ever encountered.

Taylor’s “twesties,” her Twitter best friends, do not know her in her everyday life, they only know her as an online body that tweets nearly 300 times a day about Justin Bieber. She stays connected from her iPod Touch using wi-fi at school and friends house to tweet and trend topics—during our interview she explained that a “trended topic” connects her fellow “Beliebers” to each other. She spends hours “Favorite-ing” people, accessing the latest videos, downloads and communicating; she is completely unaware that her tweets are absolutely public, and absolutely being watched (and rightfully so) by record labels. During our interview she boasted that, “Island Records follows me!” When I asked her who Island Records is, knowing full well that it is an enormous record label responsible for Justin Bieber, Bon Jovi, Melissa Etheridge and other huge artists, she looked puzzled. “I don’t know, but they follow me,” she gushed. I showed her the link to their website, their featured artists, and even other artists she may not know about but all she could connect was that “Justin Bieber’s boss knows her.”

I find her choice of phrase interesting, “Justin Bieber’s boss knows her.” It is my experience that relationships formed online are better left online, so I probed, “Who are the people you tweet to?” Her answer was somewhat surprising, “My friends, my best friends, my twesties,” which she clarified are different from her real life best friends. It seems that this online community has spawned a new form of friendship in which peoples with mutual interest share their admiration for that interest using a maximum 140 characters. Her life online is simply another connection to similar people.